Hello, all of my little Movie Monsterites! “Salt” hits theaters this week, and Angelina Jolie is reprising her role as a badass lady spy who uses her sex appeal and big lips to save the world from villains who are easily thwarted by things like sex appeal and big lips.

Now look, Angelina Jolie gets made fun of a lot for adopting all of those babies from Africa or whatever, but I think that’s unfair. She’s a philanthropic person and she should be lauded for it, and not attacked by those vicious talk-show hosts with their evil puns and cruel similes.
Those talk show hosts make me sick. It almost makes me want to go adopt some African babies of my own…so I can give them to Angelina Jolie! Because she loves babies. Especially ones from other countries!

This reminds me of some of the charity work I do. Once a week I volunteer at the SPCA, a center that helps abandoned dogs and cats find new homes. Unfortunately, sometimes they’re unable to find them homes, and that’s where I come in.
They’re able to euthanize the dogs for low-cost and I get a free lunch. Bing, bang, boom.

Needless to say, “Salt” is a kickass movie. My favorite part is when one of the villains accidentally drops Jolie’s character on the ground, then picks her up and throws her over his shoulder to prevent bad luck. Classsic!