"blog" Archive

Knight and Day

Posted June 23rd, 2010, by admin. No comments.
Category: News. Tags: , , , , , .

There’s only one thing you need to know about this movie: Tom Cruise punches a bunch of people in the face.
‘Nuff said.

Look out

But I’m going to go ahead and keep writing anyway, because this is a movie review for crying out loud! What do you think I am? Some sort of low-rent, self-aggrandizing critic who uses his movie reviews to get out some deep-seated emotional issues about his childhood?
Hell nah! I’m Movie Monster! Now, back to the reason I love watching Tom Cruise punching people in the face…

He’s a badass! What else can I say? Let me give all of you a tip: If you ever see Tom Cruise walking your way, fists a swinging—get the hell out of there. You’ll probably end up in a hospital, need some serious face surgery, and end up like this guy I used to know.

Come to think of it, there’s only one thing I enjoy more than Tom Cruise punching a guy in the face, and that’s Tom Cruise punching a horse in the face:
(Coincidentally, that’s how I tenderize my horse meat when making horse burgers)

Overall this movie is pretty rad. Snack-wise, and you’ll just have to trust me on this one, biscuits and gravy.

Toy Story 3

Posted June 18th, 2010, by admin. No comments.
Category: News. Tags: , , , , , , , .

Toy Story 3 is being released this week and I couldn’t be more psyched

I’ve been a die-hard fan since the first Toy Story came out in 1995, when I was just a tiny monster. I remember the day after I saw it I asked my dad for a Buzz Lightyear toy, just like the one in the movie. Later that day my dad came home, told me they were out of Buzz Lightyears at the toy store, and dropped a squirrel carcass in my lap. I named him Fuzz Noear, because my dad had eaten his ears on the way home.

That squirrel carcass and I had some pretty kickass times: Tea-parties, playing in the mud, arm-wrestling—you name it. We were as close as a monster and a squirrel carcass could get. Later that same winter food was scarce and we had to eat Fuzz. Everyone got sick and vomited all over the place because he was rotted on the inside, and my dad told me that from then on squirrel-carcass toys were banned from the cave. That was the last time I ever saw my father.

As far as Toy Story 3 goes, I loved it.  It brought tears to my eyes. Nobody knows how to tug at my heart cords until they pop like Pixar.

For snacks I recommend (NOT) eating squirrel carcass nuggets.

Now tell the Movie Monster…what makes you cry?