There’s only one thing you need to know about this movie: Tom Cruise punches a bunch of people in the face.
But I’m going to go ahead and keep writing anyway, because this is a movie review for crying out loud! What do you think I am? Some sort of low-rent, self-aggrandizing critic who uses his movie reviews to get out some deep-seated emotional issues about his childhood?
Hell nah! I’m Movie Monster! Now, back to the reason I love watching Tom Cruise punching people in the face…
He’s a badass! What else can I say? Let me give all of you a tip: If you ever see Tom Cruise walking your way, fists a swinging—get the hell out of there. You’ll probably end up in a hospital, need some serious face surgery, and end up like this guy I used to know.
Come to think of it, there’s only one thing I enjoy more than Tom Cruise punching a guy in the face, and that’s Tom Cruise punching a horse in the face:
(Coincidentally, that’s how I tenderize my horse meat when making horse burgers)
Overall this movie is pretty rad. Snack-wise, and you’ll just have to trust me on this one, biscuits and gravy.